Following the brutal rape and murder Of Anene Booysen, social media has erupted with discussions,activism and protests against rape.A discussion that I came across ,spoke of how a large percentage of rape victims are raped by people they know,be it 'family' , 'friends' or acquaintances. A sub discussion emerged regarding abuse within marriages and this together with a conversation I had with a lady regarding marriage norms in the previous generations ,inspired this blog post.
I cannot speak for everyone nor can I generalize,but I will use the word 'some'.So as it went ,this lady told me of the difficulty some woman faced in the older generations. The time period we discussed was around the 1930's - 1970's. She told me of the immense work loads these woman were burdened with ,coupled with constant abuse ,emotional as well as physical, from their husbands and their in laws They were trapped in loveless and merciless marriages. Why? I wondered and she further elucidated that these womens families,the fathers in particular, would tell the women that under no circumstances were they allowed to return home. Meaning they would not accept them being divorced.
As disgusted as I am by that warped mentality ,I am more disgusted that it still occurs today.some woman are still bullied and suffer emotional and physical torment at the hands of the ones who are supposed to be their protectors. Again i ask why? Why does this happen an why do these woman stay in these situations.I think it is attributed to so many different reasons ,depending on the individual's situation. But I also believe that age old mentality still exists where there is a a stigma attached to divorce.Some woman fear the label 'divorcee' so they would rather put up with the abuse repeatedly ond some hold on to the illusion that by staying in the marriage they can change the man.
To all those woman who are in such marriages ,i have this to say.If a man abuses you physically he does not deserve you and neither does he love you.if he constantly swears you and belittles you,he does not deserve you. If he cheats on you,and I also believe that is a form of abuse emotionally, again he does not deserve you . Such men are greedy and love themselves. If you have tried but to no avail,then sometimes you have to learn to respect yourself and your children ( if you have any)and seek the necessary help.Allah did not make a woman an object of ridicule, He has honored us and 'placed Jannah at our feet' !! He has also placed avenues for an abused woman to get out of a seemingly hopeless situation. Divorce is permissable in Islam ,yet it is highly disliked by Allah and should not be taken lightly ,thus it should be only used in compelling situations.
This message would be incomplete if I made no mention of the amazing men(my mister especially) who know the value of their woman and treat them respectfully.these men in turn deserve our respect and love and they deserve our efforts in preserving our marriages.These marriages are worth holding on to regardless of minor differences we might have.Arguments will naturally always occur but we should always seek to resolve these with dignity and reconcile our differences.It must also be noted that it is not only woman who are abused,there are some men who are also oppressed in their marriages.We need to rid our communities of these ills and implement good manners in our children!InshaAllah
There is so much that can still be said on this touchy subject but i ask you and myself to remember this and live by this in our marriages. Marriage is a sanctified bond,it is a commitment to each other which we need to honor by fulfilling the rights of each other,InshaAllah!
May Allah fill our homes with love,light,happiness respect and mercy! May He guide us to Jannah with our spouses by our sides.
Aameen!
Do share your opinions with me on this subject if you agree or feel differently.Your feedback is much appreciated.
Until you read again
Ma'assalaam
2 comments:
Its really sad that it still occurs in this time. During the time of Nabi saw women who wer widowed or divorced wer never left alone, fathers would go out and look for men for ther duaghters, I hate the stigma that is attached to divorced women, yet Zainab RA was married to Nabi saw just after her divorce. May Allah bless all those women with deserving men who will take care of them. Ameen.
Thumma Aameen. Love that message,no woman should be made to feel like they are 'damaged goods' . Allah has blessed us with the best way and we need to start living it!
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