My mum is a caterer and on numerous occasions she's told us about the bridezillas she has had the ' pleasure' of encountering.I have also seen firsthand how some brides behave ,fussing ,moaning and antagonizing others over the smallest details. Sure, as a bride,it is your day but that does not mean you have to go in full on diva mode being nasty and arrogant to others. So here's a tribute to the brides with grace and respect ,who understand that beauty is not just in their make- up, dresses and hall decor but most importantly in how you carry yourself.
From a young age,my sisters, a few of my cousins ,nieces and I have meshed really well.thinking back on the type of brides we were its easy to see why we've had that bond. It all began with S a few years ago. The night before her wedding she had mehndi ( henna) on her arms and legs but insisted on making our beds as we were her guests at her home. Thereafter was Z, who helped with her entire reception,and I mean ENTIRE.She had a hand( well both hands) in it from start to finish,she planned,she cooked,set tables,she even cleaned up! She had no professional make up or hairstyling done ,but she was gorgeous and dressed in like 15 minutes. Then came J whose wedding was planned in under 24 hours.A simple,no fuss evening was spent at her home and she was so loving and grateful to all those who helped pull it off. I was next in line, tho I don't remember much I do remember my aunts scolding me as I was decorating cupcakes that morning instead of going to get dressed. My sister says she remembers my entourage of lil girls (my nieces) and how thrilled they were ,milling around me all morning.Next to wed was F. The night before her wedding she played games with the rest of us 'nazm chairs' and thunee to be precise.At the Walima She welcomed her guests personally and continued to mingle throughout the day. She also hugged and thanked each of my mums workers which is something I haven't seen before. Last of the wedded was A. She too mingled with her guests and had no separate table or stage. I recall her kneeling down at one point ,with no mind paid to her dress,whilst she chatted to a guest seated at a table. There are a few more left in line to get married and I have no doubt that they too will be undemanding brides.
Your wedding day should be one filled with love ,light and happiness. Don't mar it by being petty and catty. Behave respectfully and let it be a day that you and others remember fondly.
Belated but special mention to Z who gave me the idea for this blog.
Until you read again
Ma'assalaam
Thursday 21 February 2013
Wednesday 20 February 2013
No humor in death
The day after my last blog post ,the paralympian Oscar Pistorious killed his girlfriend Reeva Steenkamp at his home. Tho details are still sketchy regarding the truth of what happened ,it somehow felt so surreal hearing the news that morning. Whichever angle you look at it ,this tragedy spoke volumes about the type of society we live in.
Most people seem to have an opinion of what happened that morning, I am still 'sitting on the fence'.I do however,take a strong stance against the jokes circulating in regards to the killing.I find nothing remotely funny about death and paraplegia. In this case, a woman is gone, her chance at this life is gone ,a family's loved one is gone. There is no excuse for being insensitive to the loss of life or ridiculing of people with disabilities based on the yet to be confirmed actions of an individual.
Regardless of whether the victim was Muslim or not,our Deen is one of mercy and it demands us to show respect and compassion.
" The one who doesn’t show mercy on the people, Allah will not show mercy to him." (Tirmidhi)
Tragedies like these should serve to remind us that as humans we are not infallible and that we should constantly make Dua ( pray) that Allah saves us from the same. We are all to leave this world and we have no clue when and how it will happen. May the Almighty be most pleased with us on that day! Aameen.
Until you read again
Ma'assalaam
Most people seem to have an opinion of what happened that morning, I am still 'sitting on the fence'.I do however,take a strong stance against the jokes circulating in regards to the killing.I find nothing remotely funny about death and paraplegia. In this case, a woman is gone, her chance at this life is gone ,a family's loved one is gone. There is no excuse for being insensitive to the loss of life or ridiculing of people with disabilities based on the yet to be confirmed actions of an individual.
Regardless of whether the victim was Muslim or not,our Deen is one of mercy and it demands us to show respect and compassion.
" The one who doesn’t show mercy on the people, Allah will not show mercy to him." (Tirmidhi)
Tragedies like these should serve to remind us that as humans we are not infallible and that we should constantly make Dua ( pray) that Allah saves us from the same. We are all to leave this world and we have no clue when and how it will happen. May the Almighty be most pleased with us on that day! Aameen.
Until you read again
Ma'assalaam
Wednesday 13 February 2013
Know when it is worth holding on to...
Following the brutal rape and murder Of Anene Booysen, social media has erupted with discussions,activism and protests against rape.A discussion that I came across ,spoke of how a large percentage of rape victims are raped by people they know,be it 'family' , 'friends' or acquaintances. A sub discussion emerged regarding abuse within marriages and this together with a conversation I had with a lady regarding marriage norms in the previous generations ,inspired this blog post.
I cannot speak for everyone nor can I generalize,but I will use the word 'some'.So as it went ,this lady told me of the difficulty some woman faced in the older generations. The time period we discussed was around the 1930's - 1970's. She told me of the immense work loads these woman were burdened with ,coupled with constant abuse ,emotional as well as physical, from their husbands and their in laws They were trapped in loveless and merciless marriages. Why? I wondered and she further elucidated that these womens families,the fathers in particular, would tell the women that under no circumstances were they allowed to return home. Meaning they would not accept them being divorced.
As disgusted as I am by that warped mentality ,I am more disgusted that it still occurs today.some woman are still bullied and suffer emotional and physical torment at the hands of the ones who are supposed to be their protectors. Again i ask why? Why does this happen an why do these woman stay in these situations.I think it is attributed to so many different reasons ,depending on the individual's situation. But I also believe that age old mentality still exists where there is a a stigma attached to divorce.Some woman fear the label 'divorcee' so they would rather put up with the abuse repeatedly ond some hold on to the illusion that by staying in the marriage they can change the man.
To all those woman who are in such marriages ,i have this to say.If a man abuses you physically he does not deserve you and neither does he love you.if he constantly swears you and belittles you,he does not deserve you. If he cheats on you,and I also believe that is a form of abuse emotionally, again he does not deserve you . Such men are greedy and love themselves. If you have tried but to no avail,then sometimes you have to learn to respect yourself and your children ( if you have any)and seek the necessary help.Allah did not make a woman an object of ridicule, He has honored us and 'placed Jannah at our feet' !! He has also placed avenues for an abused woman to get out of a seemingly hopeless situation. Divorce is permissable in Islam ,yet it is highly disliked by Allah and should not be taken lightly ,thus it should be only used in compelling situations.
This message would be incomplete if I made no mention of the amazing men(my mister especially) who know the value of their woman and treat them respectfully.these men in turn deserve our respect and love and they deserve our efforts in preserving our marriages.These marriages are worth holding on to regardless of minor differences we might have.Arguments will naturally always occur but we should always seek to resolve these with dignity and reconcile our differences.It must also be noted that it is not only woman who are abused,there are some men who are also oppressed in their marriages.We need to rid our communities of these ills and implement good manners in our children!InshaAllah
There is so much that can still be said on this touchy subject but i ask you and myself to remember this and live by this in our marriages. Marriage is a sanctified bond,it is a commitment to each other which we need to honor by fulfilling the rights of each other,InshaAllah!
May Allah fill our homes with love,light,happiness respect and mercy! May He guide us to Jannah with our spouses by our sides.
Aameen!
Do share your opinions with me on this subject if you agree or feel differently.Your feedback is much appreciated.
Until you read again
Ma'assalaam
I cannot speak for everyone nor can I generalize,but I will use the word 'some'.So as it went ,this lady told me of the difficulty some woman faced in the older generations. The time period we discussed was around the 1930's - 1970's. She told me of the immense work loads these woman were burdened with ,coupled with constant abuse ,emotional as well as physical, from their husbands and their in laws They were trapped in loveless and merciless marriages. Why? I wondered and she further elucidated that these womens families,the fathers in particular, would tell the women that under no circumstances were they allowed to return home. Meaning they would not accept them being divorced.
As disgusted as I am by that warped mentality ,I am more disgusted that it still occurs today.some woman are still bullied and suffer emotional and physical torment at the hands of the ones who are supposed to be their protectors. Again i ask why? Why does this happen an why do these woman stay in these situations.I think it is attributed to so many different reasons ,depending on the individual's situation. But I also believe that age old mentality still exists where there is a a stigma attached to divorce.Some woman fear the label 'divorcee' so they would rather put up with the abuse repeatedly ond some hold on to the illusion that by staying in the marriage they can change the man.
To all those woman who are in such marriages ,i have this to say.If a man abuses you physically he does not deserve you and neither does he love you.if he constantly swears you and belittles you,he does not deserve you. If he cheats on you,and I also believe that is a form of abuse emotionally, again he does not deserve you . Such men are greedy and love themselves. If you have tried but to no avail,then sometimes you have to learn to respect yourself and your children ( if you have any)and seek the necessary help.Allah did not make a woman an object of ridicule, He has honored us and 'placed Jannah at our feet' !! He has also placed avenues for an abused woman to get out of a seemingly hopeless situation. Divorce is permissable in Islam ,yet it is highly disliked by Allah and should not be taken lightly ,thus it should be only used in compelling situations.
This message would be incomplete if I made no mention of the amazing men(my mister especially) who know the value of their woman and treat them respectfully.these men in turn deserve our respect and love and they deserve our efforts in preserving our marriages.These marriages are worth holding on to regardless of minor differences we might have.Arguments will naturally always occur but we should always seek to resolve these with dignity and reconcile our differences.It must also be noted that it is not only woman who are abused,there are some men who are also oppressed in their marriages.We need to rid our communities of these ills and implement good manners in our children!InshaAllah
There is so much that can still be said on this touchy subject but i ask you and myself to remember this and live by this in our marriages. Marriage is a sanctified bond,it is a commitment to each other which we need to honor by fulfilling the rights of each other,InshaAllah!
May Allah fill our homes with love,light,happiness respect and mercy! May He guide us to Jannah with our spouses by our sides.
Aameen!
Do share your opinions with me on this subject if you agree or feel differently.Your feedback is much appreciated.
Until you read again
Ma'assalaam
Wednesday 6 February 2013
Wednesday wisdom
"Your life, with all its ups and downs, has molded you for the greater good. Your life has been exactly what it needed to be. Don’t think you've lost time. It took each and every situation you have encountered to bring you to the current moment. And every moment of your life, including this one right now, is a fresh start. If you have the courage to admit when you’re scared, the ability to laugh even as you cry, the nerve to speak up even if your voice is shaking, the confidence to ask for help when you need it, and the wisdom to take it when it’s offered, then you have everything you need to get yourself to a better place. Allah gives you tests to make you stronger. Allah knows what is Best for us."
If you're thinking she couldn't possibly have written that,well
you're right. I don't know who the author is but that message was too full of hope and wisdom to not share it with you.
Until you read again
Ma'assalam
If you're thinking she couldn't possibly have written that,well
you're right. I don't know who the author is but that message was too full of hope and wisdom to not share it with you.
Until you read again
Ma'assalam
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)