Know when it is worth holding on to...

Following the brutal rape and murder Of Anene Booysen, social media has erupted with discussions,activism and protests against rape.A discussion that I came across ,spoke of how a large percentage of rape victims are raped by people they know,be it 'family' , 'friends' or acquaintances. A sub discussion emerged regarding abuse within marriages and this together with a conversation I had with a lady regarding marriage norms in the previous generations ,inspired this blog post.


I cannot speak for everyone nor can I generalize,but I will use the word 'some'.So as it went ,this lady told me of the difficulty some woman faced in the older generations. The time period we discussed was around the 1930's - 1970's. She told me of the immense work loads these woman were burdened with ,coupled with constant abuse ,emotional as well as physical, from their husbands and their in laws They were trapped in loveless and merciless marriages. Why? I wondered and she further elucidated that these womens families,the fathers in particular, would tell the women that under no circumstances were they allowed to return home. Meaning they would not accept them being divorced.
As disgusted as I am by that warped mentality ,I am more disgusted that it still occurs today.some woman are still bullied and suffer emotional and physical torment at the hands of the ones who are supposed to be their protectors. Again i ask why? Why does this happen an why do these woman stay in these situations.I think it is attributed to so many different reasons ,depending on the individual's situation. But I also believe that age old mentality still exists where there is a a stigma attached to divorce.Some woman fear the label 'divorcee' so they would rather put up with the abuse repeatedly ond some hold on to the illusion that by staying in the marriage they can change the man.
To all those woman who are in such marriages ,i have this to say.If a man abuses you physically he does not deserve you and neither does he love you.if he constantly swears you and belittles you,he does not deserve you. If he cheats on you,and I also believe that is a form of abuse emotionally, again he does not deserve you . Such men are greedy and love themselves. If you have tried but to no avail,then sometimes you have to learn to respect yourself and your children ( if you have any)and seek the necessary help.Allah did not make a woman an object of ridicule, He has honored us and 'placed Jannah at our feet' !! He has also placed avenues for an abused woman to get out of a seemingly hopeless situation. Divorce is permissable in Islam ,yet it is highly disliked by Allah and should not be taken lightly ,thus it should be only used in compelling situations.

This message would be incomplete if I made no mention of the amazing men(my mister especially) who know the value of their woman and treat them respectfully.these men in turn deserve our respect and love and they deserve our efforts in preserving our marriages.These marriages are worth holding on to regardless of minor differences we might have.Arguments will naturally always occur but we should always seek to resolve these with dignity and reconcile our differences.It must also be noted that it is not only woman who are abused,there are some men who are also oppressed in their marriages.We need to rid our communities of these ills and implement good manners in our children!InshaAllah


There is so much that can still be said on this touchy subject but i ask you and myself to remember this and live by this in our marriages. Marriage is a sanctified bond,it is a commitment to each other which we need to honor by fulfilling the rights of each other,InshaAllah!

May Allah fill our homes with love,light,happiness respect and mercy! May He guide us to Jannah with our spouses by our sides.
Aameen!

Do share your opinions with me on this subject if you agree or feel differently.Your feedback is much appreciated.

Until you read again
Ma'assalaam

Wednesday wisdom

"Your life, with all its ups and downs, has molded you for the greater good. Your life has been exactly what it needed to be. Don’t think you've lost time. It took each and every situation you have encountered to bring you to the current moment. And every moment of your life, including this one right now, is a fresh start. If you have the courage to admit when you’re scared, the ability to laugh even as you cry, the nerve to speak up even if your voice is shaking, the confidence to ask for help when you need it, and the wisdom to take it when it’s offered, then you have everything you need to get yourself to a better place. Allah gives you tests to make you stronger. Allah knows what is Best for us."

If you're thinking she couldn't possibly have written that,well
you're right. I don't know who the author is but that message was too full of hope and wisdom to not share it with you.

Until you read again
Ma'assalam

Words bigger than I am!

Ive had much feedback recently from you lovely readers,and I must thank you for giving me something to really exercise my brain with.it all got me thinking of the perception that is held of me,and whilst I'm glad most of it is good I also realize that my words are bigger than I am.If that makes no sense read on and I'll fill u in.

A scholar once mentioned something about how his wife would enthusiastically listen to his lectures prior to their marriage,and after marriage she commented that he sounded more pious( in his lectures)than he was (in reality). This I can relate to. We sometimes present an image of ourselves that is so far from the truth.And in presenting this image for the benefit of man ,we fail to grasp that it is Allah who we need to impress and aim to please.I'm not suggesting that we expose our wrongdoings and sin openly,but simply lets strive to be of those who practice what they preach,who live up to their good words and advice. This not only steers one away from hypocrisy but is so much easier to respect and accept the advice of one who lives by his words.And who better to aspire to in this regard than our Nabi S.A.W.

I make dua that Allah makes my good actions greater than what I have advocated and may He save us from being amongst the hypocrites! Aameen

Until you read again
Make a special Dua for me and mine please on this blessed day of Jumuah

Ma'assalaam

Battery low

I read a lovely post today about a husband ,addressed to a wife. It said something to the effect that if you are constantly upset ,irritated and moody with your husband then perhaps the problem lies in your Imaan being 'low' instead of there being faults with your husband.

Did you experience that 'wow' moment when you read that? Did your synapses click furiously as it dawned on you that you know precisely how that feels? It might not necessarily be with your husband that you experience those
emotions,it could be with anyone.It may be with your mother, perhaps a co- worker or your BFF but the underlying cause remains the same in most cases:your Imaan is desperately In need of a recharge!
Over the course of our lives we undergo numerous highs and lows. With most of us,the same can be said for our Imaan.There are periods where our negative emotions 'own' us,where Shaytaan sees our weaknesses and capitalizes on them.Granted ,a few people behave atrociously and warrant our being upset with them,but the reality is that most people aren't as bad as we make them out to be in our minds. It's often denial of our own faults that makes us see the worst in others and hence be constantly annoyed by them.This all boils down to a deficiency in our Imaan.for if we possessed superior faith,we would adopt the ways of our Nabi S.A.W. and see the best in others or be patient with them.We would also realize how short our stay in this world is in comparison to the everlasting abode in the Hereafter, and thus not let minor things affect us.Our belief in Allah and His mercy would steer us away from living so negatively.

It's time to let go of the hatred and hurt inside us.Time To let go of the petty things that seek to drown us in ,anxiety,depression and resentment. Time to lift our hands to our Creator in Dua and to lower our heads into our Quraans to attract His love and peace into our lives. Time to build our Imaan,to build our contentment on this earth and ultimately build our homes in Jannah! Inshaa-Allah!!

May the Almighty give me the strength first,to renew my faith in Him and always turn to Him!Aameen

Until you read again
Ma'assalam

Give a little of yourself

"Cure your greed,purify your wealth,look around at where you live,look at all the good you have to give ,give a little of yourself"

I love those lyrics by Dawud Wharnsby.They encompass the very spirit of generosity and charity taught to us as Muslims.Tho, so often we find our hearts hardening and our hands tightening around our material wealth.A truly pitiful state since nothing really belongs to us,the wealth we may possess is in reality just loaned to us by The Almighty for the duration of our stay on this earth.Sometimes Allah gives us wealth to test our ability to give it back in His path.Free up some space in your wallet or closet and earn blessings in this world and reward in the next!
Another aspect of generosity ,has nothing to do with physical wealth.Regardless of being a princess or a pauper you can give this charity with ease.
Give of your time whether it be with the sick or the elderly.You will lift their morale and they will make dua for you!
Tactfully advise and console those who need it.Share a word of encouragement ,be a shoulder to cry on.
Most importantly give of your heart,be it through your smiles or the concern in your eyes,you are guaranteed to make a positive difference or change a life for the better ,InshaAllah!!

I am ever greatful to my parents,my mother in particular for providing an exceptional example when it comes to giving.All who know her will attest to this fact and if I am to spend my life thanking her for all she has done,I will still fall short.

Until you read again
Ma assalaam

Here comes the bride,all dressed in ...Hijaab?

I once described my idea of the perfect wedding and I am so thrilled that I have finally witnessed it.i attended my cousin's wedding a week ago,there were no bells,whistles or flower arrangements and it was just perfect!

Simple ,serene, surprising.everything about this wedding was inspiring.The union here took centre stage ,which I normally find dulled by all the finery.there was nothing stuffy or pretentious about it and all the guests enjoyed what was a beautiful comfortable evening.it was capped off by the bride in a simple Abaya(Hijaab) ,leading her mum in law around the hall,making introductions and mingling.

I wish the couple eternal happiness and ease in this new phase of their lives. Now if only we could get this style of a wedding trending...

Until you read again
Ma'assalam

List mania

A while ago I read a book entitled love:unlisted.I would have classified it as fluff(chick lit) had it not had such a profound lesson.It basically centered around a woman who kept a book with her,in which she would list the pros and cons of all those she knew.Freaky?yes,but it got me thinking that we do that without realizing it,except that we usually internalize our lists.And like the woman in the story it could get us into trouble too..

You might agree that being a good judge of character is important for ones own safety,but if it takes on the aforementioned style of 'listing' I think it would lend to an incredibly judgemental mind frame.And seeing as how we all have faults ( in abundance ) that's a trait we could well do without.if we are 'listing' lets try to keep it positive,focus on the good ( here's hoping I take my own advice)

So in the spirit of steering away from negative listing ,i'll share with you a list of 10 random things most people would probably not know about me

1. My childhood ambitions included becoming a pilot,a sports manager and a pediatrician
2. I am clumsy ( the trip over my own feet type)
3. I'm a recovering 'sports-aholic'
4. All my phobias start with an A ; Acrophobia(fear of heights) ,Astraphobia (fear of lightning and thunder) and Agyrophobia ( fear of crossing roads)
5. I am 22 going on 10,I have yet to lose interest in comics,fairy tales and rhymes.
6. I absolutely despise music and vulgarity
7. I compulsively declutter( material things weigh me down)
8. I was the family clown/ entertainer/dweeb(it included a brief phase of being an Indian Alligator)
9.Im a sucker for print media,chocolate and Rooibos tea
10.I struggled compiling this list,and more so with the realization that I'm about as interesting as a box (hah,take that ego)

Until you read again
Ma'assalaam